so let's talk penis.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just high enough for therapy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
