Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize