Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
