I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
