i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
