vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
