I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize