and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
