I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
