I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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