i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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