we have officially lost it.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
