the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
