if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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