I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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