Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
