can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize