Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
