i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Come on in and take your pants off
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