you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
