shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
