jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
