i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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