i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
