so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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