i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
