The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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