does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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