Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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