it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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