If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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