Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
this is an emotional support booty call
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
