New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
