You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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