sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
