What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
