I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize