I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
