im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
