literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
