Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
