...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
