It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
