Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
