im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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