I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
