Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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