Can Purell be used as lube?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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