dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize