Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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