I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
