He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
