how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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