As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
