Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize