Whatcha textin bout Willis?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
