if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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