Old men and throwing up are my life now.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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