What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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