My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you mean i was at the winter classic?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
