that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
