I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
