Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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