This is not my ceiling
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
