i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
