we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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