The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
