I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
