looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
